what difference I make to me

It is not what I get or what you give me.
It's what difference I make to me.
I can be there meaning nothing to anything.

But I know today that I mean something.
Let me believe it's true.
I can feel the passion in thy eyes,and the pain in thy touch.
And I know I mean something to you.
I notice everything you say you do.
I know nothing why I do notice so much of you.
But I know today that I love you.

It's not all roses alone thy can get by love
It's pain.
But thy know thy love only if you cannot feel thy pain.
And I know today that I mean something to you.
And I know my heart feels love for you.

Dreams

Wishes I make,
Desires surround me.
Sometimes I wonder
What would I be

The purpose sometimes,
Silly other times
But they all
Have the power
To drive me.
My dreams
My visions
Surround me.

Hell...

I have seen hell in what I believed to be heaven.

It's Become my burial ground.

My world turned upside down.

Buried beneath the ground, cannot go lower then this.

walked upon By a million lies was my soul.

Lying hurt on the floor, I have lost the dignity in being me.

Was it better to be the other somebody.

My heart is aching, hurting wanting to not be.

I cannot sense physical pain anymore.

My broken heart is really broken-it says hurt me more.

For I was the one to believe.

What was lacking in me and my love.

That this had to be.

Was I never good enough.

Was there ever love?

The Truth Is.....as it is

A lingering thought behind my crooked mind,

Playing with my heart all the while.
Raining eyes seems solace!!
AH..The piercing of the lingering thought!!

The dancing emotions in my heart!

A lingering thought deep behind

Free me cause I need to be living!!

Giving a piece of Life to all things surrounding.
Buck up, forget the Lingering thought!!

Is it worth it?

Living and Giving is The GAME of LIFE!!

Forget the Lingering thought!

Let me get Living and being !

Do I get to choose

To be happy or to not to be!

Being happy is it from with in?

Or things surrounding me?

I think it is a felony!

No body can be forever Happy!

we cannot control 

The inner lucid world
and what surrounds us?
isn't being happy 

a moment alone
it is a felony to want it?

Do I want to be Happy?

Crazy but no, It's but just a moment.

Which for sure is gonna pass by?

Just like the other ones?

My base should be serenity?

Truth behind me?

That I think will sustain?
I quit seeking happiness.

Time Heals..Does It

Time heals, does it!!

The wine that causes intoxication,
result of time spent in brewery!!

Do I believe,
it gets better with time..

I guess not,
it gets bitter more alluding!!

Eyes cannot see the difference
A dream or a reality!!

Mind cannot see
the right or the wrong!!

With time spent in life's brewery,
getting brewed each moment!!
Do we improve or
loose track
where we were or are?

Time is but a cruel joke,
God has his ways of amusing me!!

Time and Healing are his cruel Jokes!!

So much Pain..

The impassioned pain,

I feel in every breath.

Am I dead, still alive,walking!

It feels like there is no cure,no way!!

To ever feel anything never again!

Does it ever get better!

Strange!! to feel more pain seems solace!

Have I gone Crazy Intoxicated by my agony !!

Running so deep and right through my soul!

God I think I will Explode!!

Are you testing to see how much I can endure?
This time it's off limit,

So much sorrow you cannot endure!!

God I know soon I will explode!

Courage

I felt strong and thought of me as being Courageous

In adversity!!

But the illusion is broken and truth reveled

Here I am sitting paralysed with my pain!!

Unable to move or make my heart feel anything!

I wonder what happened to the courage.

What a mockery of me, my belief!!

That Life had to be this!

What I believed of me is not true anymore!

I cannot know me completely unless I know what

Happened to you? Judging by seeing anything from a distance!!

Is the biggest mockery of human intelligence!

I cannot know you from your image.

I need to feel you to know you!!

Witness situations you have gone through!

Before I pass judgments!

Else I will only reach an illusion of knowing you!!

The image not the person behind it!
Courage is the ability to seek truth, reality!!

A Void Deep Inside

A Void Deep Inside,

I presumed it to be Life.

The darkest hole, So Close.

I assumed it to be my Sunrise.

What illusion and what a shame.

The dirty bargain, AGAIN?

I am delusion ed, Alas the righteous illusion. Again!

What a SHAME, an irony that is my only gain.

"The Shame" , I will have to carry the burden,

Till my grave. Not my burden, None my deed.

But I will have to carry the ugly deed. Indeed.

WHY? heart screams, eyes are dried of tears.

No reply from no corner.

Probable a voice deep inside.

Somewhere says you have to become a light.

And illuminate the darkest of corners.

Burn, bit by bit, cause you loved the wrong man.

Cause you are the righteous women.

Nobody said it is easy to love the ugly "Man".

The Poem

Sitting on the bank of life

Churning out words of wisdom
Looking at the ocean of my soul
Hence, the birth of a poem.

How deep is the ocean
I cannot say
How relevant the wisdom
I do not know
But the course of my life

Has engraved this wisdom, the Poem.

The longing to belong to you

The longing to belong to you
The desire to be a part of you.
I dreamt endless nights to be close to you.

The distance do you see it
The miles that run between our hearts
Have you measured it?
I still long since so long
To belong to you.

The best of me...

You have yet not seen the best of me
My inner world,the beauty
The harmony,surrounding me
Where only I can be.

I create ,I sing aloud with all my might
I shout sometimes on things

I cannot control or change.

I doubt and fear ,wonder at things.
But that is my inner world.

Outside I am what you see.
A calm and composed
Picture of might all the while.
Smiling,felicitous as anybody can  be

Inside me I am nothing close
To what you sense of me.
This,my dear is what
we have done to us
In anticipation
of what we should be!!

Let me give you the amenity.
The freedom to be.
You and the real me.

This I feel is yet to be.

To go..............

To go or to give up.
To fight out the rough patch.
Or to simply succumb
to the uneven path.
Reach out to the
hidden horizons
beneath the
darker clouds.

All so intense
So fearful.
Easier, is to
not surmount.

But the agony
Of a defeat.
I think, will mount
the toughest  peak .

Cross the biggest ocean
All to not see defeat.

Misery for me is not to not win
To not surmount ,
giving up
Is  what hinders me.
Surmounting is the destiny.
I choose the tougher path
The easier would be, to be.

Yet to be............

Desire today to live freely
Freedom now to dream
All is said to be within  me
But the untenable me.

The omnipotent Misery
I wonder what is it in me
I dream , I want but
cannot reach,impussinate me!!

Do I live to be me,Or continue to be
all of these, not even a denier of me.
For life the treasure is just gonna go by
Not waiting or wasting a second for me.
Or for anybody.

Tomorrow will come by
Standing tall on my door
Demanding all the reasons
For not being me.

Bygones are gone far away
Being happy today is
the guarantee, to be
Merry in what is yet to be.

You surprise me,Why?

Life ,
you surprise me , why?.
I let you pass buy
And
here I am mesmerized
again
My heart is beating fast
I sensed a while ago
It had passed.

My vision

Gone blurred

Is intact 

So I know?

The beauty 

Of each moment

The rhythm of

Thy space

All so complete.

Life,you hypnotize me.

I feel Complete!! 

I feel Insane,

All emotions

Sometimes!

Beautiful Life!!

Destined

Destined we are to reach our destiny
Fear then why do u despair me.

Dreams and wishes that surround me
Show the path , ignited only for me.
The path is same for you and me
It is of growth and that I believe is destiny.
The human destiny.

We are destined for growth, for sure
 we call evolution.
Destined we are to reach our destiny.
Fear , then why do you despair me.

Waiting

Waiting yet again for something
I want to gain,I guess!
 Ask me the distance between one second to another,
Or ask me how many times we breath between that distance.
I have done all that maths.I am waiting.


Dreams created to new heights sometimes So beautiful.
Shattered ,the next moment as the future is still unknown.
Waiting like a bird looking beyond my cage
At a passage far away may be the only way to my freedom.
Caged in emotions varied by my imagination
Fear sometimes,anger at the not known.
Tears when I feel I might loose.

Waiting my dear is so inevitable.
To succeed you need to wait.
To grow from child to adult you wait.
Time I guess is the essence to all
We can gain and not gain.
Life is a long wait for that time when we cannot wait.
For now but my friend I am waiting.

Truth

Truth....
We seek you ,but we cannot deal with you.
So I wonder should I seek you.

Happiness a pursuit of human life
As we all survive and strive to reach you.
Truth do I really need you?
Knowing makes me sad and a sinner
not knowing makes me naive
I lay my bet intelligently on being naive.
Not knowing it all
I believe is a gain.
Truth? Do I really need you?

Dreams I dared to dream...

Was I awake or asleep when I dared to dream such courageous dreams?


The difference doesn’t matter ,or does it.

For I know you are a part of my imagination and I am capable of

Creating you.

What matter’s is, it was my dream a part of me.

Hidden beneath layers of "ME" and so many Me's.

Forbidden maybe to go beyond the horizon

But you are a living proof of my mutiny.

Against my own meek desire to not succeed.

A crime to not want to do more then I should.

year 2011

Here today yet another day.


I began, a fresh, a journey

Towards another new bay.



Novelty in my heart.

New dreams in my eyes.

I fly higher to reach newer horizons.

To wish thee for a new coming year.



Let us soar higher in pastures unknown

Let fear remain where it needs to be.

Let you and me feel bondless eternity.

Who knows this year we may reach?